May 19th, 2017 Air Force
One takes off for an historic International Embarrassment Tour. Just like many
of you, I fucking cringed. This is not gonna be good. I am not one to pray, but
at that moment, I grabbed a Rosary, performed a Hail Mary and all I could utter was “God help us all.”
After a few days of Saudi arms
deals and glowing orbs (by the way, what the fuck was that), the caravan of
criminals we call our administration took off for Israel. The red carpet was
laid, the smell of a promise of peace between Israelis and Palestinians was in
the air (LMFAO), and then the door of the plane slowly opened.
Gliding down the steps were Trump
and Melania being welcomed with open arms, a band and cameras from all of the
world. I mean, this was a YUGE deal. Trump and Kushner had so many plans to
discuss in a super private meeting with Netanyahu. It was so super-duper secret
they assigned National Security Advisor McMaster the job of bouncer outside the
door just to keep them all safe.
With my eyes peeled on the screen
and my ear buds in place, I watched the video with so much anticipation. Then
suddenly, BOOM, it was like the earth stopped rotating for just one second. Was
I witnessing a message from God? Are my eyes deceiving me? Hold on, let me back
this video up just a wee bit.
And there it was… The hand slap
heard ‘round the world. Oh no she didn’t. Did she? Yes, she sure did. Where did
this Melania who suddenly found her big girl panties come from? I’ll admit, I
really know nada about her except she likes to take pictures with gold plated shit,
diamonds and may have posed nude once or twice.
It’s not like I run with the elite
in NYC. The closest I get to royalty is following TMZ on Facebook and twitter.
OK, so, she was a chick from Slovenia who became a model and later married a much
older mega-rich dude for the money. Sweet, more power to her. This little ole 45-year-old
single mom would be totally down with that at this point in my life. (Not lyin’)
Thinking back to the Women’s March
on Washington, I remember seeing tons of “Save Melania” signs. Huh? Um, no,
fuck that. She knew exactly what she was getting into in this marriage. It’s not like Donnie
suddenly became a lyin’ mobster overnight, girlfriend. You knew that you had inherited
all of the bullshit along with the millions when you stood up and said “I do.”
But,
you know what? It is all good now, girlfriend. Because on that day in Israel,
you joined #TheResistance. I don’t care if you are a man, a woman, 18 or 85, we
ALL became Melania Trump that day. So, go on with your bad self, and get the
hell outta that marriage. On that day, you chose to show the world you just don’t
give a shit anymore. And so we stand with you.
